Choking on a Biscuit..

Its been an interesting couple of weeks around here.. 

First off, I ate a biscuit from Popeyes.. Which I love by the way.. but it somehow managed to get lodged in my throat..Not enough to choke me, but enough to make it painful to try to get anything else down.. like Water.. or other food.. And it made it hard to swallow, but I could still breathe.. This is all happening at work. It was pretty ridiculous. It got so bad that I thought I would try to go into the bathroom and throw it up.. Didn't work.. So I came back out, tried to swallow some water.. Didn't' work.. It was still lodged there.. So my co-workers are looking at me like I'm crazy..and about to die. My eyes are watering now.. And of course I'm psyching myself out thinking I'm going to die because my throat is going to close up..  This is obviously not true, because I can still breathe.. So finally Deana, My fabulous co-worker comes in and says..

"Listen.. This happened to me at Golden Coral once with a piece of steak.. It was just sitting in my throat.. and it wouldn't get out.. I couldn't swallow it.. So I had to go throw it up. You gotta do it.. You gotta just go in there, put your hands down your throat, and throw up that biscuit.. So go ahead, and take your sunglasses off.. Take off your necklace.. and get in there!"

Well I took her advice..and did this.. It worked. But the moral of this story is: Chew your food, or you look like a weirdo with a biscuit lodged in your throat thinking you are dying and can't breathe at work. I mean really.. who does this.. geez. 

We've had our house on the market for a few weeks and its not as bad as I thought it would be keeping it clean. We took so much stuff OUT of the house that its easier to keep it clean now.. but its still hard with Toddlers.. b/c they just want to take everything out and throw it everywhere! We have had some showings, so we'll see what happens. We have found some other houses we like, but we can't really buy anything else until we sell ours.. So we are in a waiting game. I did chase mowers the other day.. Found their truck, chased them down some roads, and begged them to come to the house.. This works.. but remember it puts you at a disadvantage on negotiating price, so I don't recommend it. 

Girls are doing great! Cross is talking so much now. She strings together complete sentences. Its pretty awesome. LL is still working with her speech therapist and doing really good too. She started saying 'hello' and 'here' and 'thank you'.. I honestly think LL can say whatever she wants.. but doesn't. Like the other day she came up to me and asked for "ice".. she had never said that before.. So I honestly think she is just fooling us all.. But she is just doing things on her own time. She loves working with Suzanne, so we will keep doing it. People keep telling us she looks like Shirley Temple.. I mean we can't really be mad about that, since Shirley is like.. the cutest. 

The girls have been swimming this summer.. the love it! They swam at my mom's house and Aunt Lex got them Puddle Jumpers.. They are awesome, and they keep them from drowning.. so bonus. LL is pretty brave in the water.. she will jump off the size, and she swims and swims.. kicks her little legs till we think they are going to fall off! Cross likes someone to be by her, and she likes to float around as opposed to swim..but they both really love being in the water. Cross also loves picking corn.. right out of the field.. and eating it.. right off the stalk.. She loves corn! Both of my girls are such good eaters.. They eat everything! I made cabbage the other day..baked it in the oven with EVOO & Parmesan on it, and they ate it up! They eat squash, green beans, spinach, sweet potatoes, cabbage, carrots.. I swear its because I did Baby Led Weaning..

Everything else has been good.. MJ is still doing good at his job, I still enjoy my job, and we love our Small group and Sunday School Class. There has been some hot topics going on here lately in the news.. Its hard to debate who is right and who is wrong, so I just choose to spend some time in the bible and in prayer with God and pray that he is able to heal all the crazy things that are going on in this world. I'm just proud to have such great people around my girls in family, in small group and in church. The World is a rough place to raise kids right now. I honestly don't see how people keep their marriage together, or their families together without God at the Center.. I'm so thankful for my walk with him daily, and the fact that I married a great man who also walks with the Lord. We can only pray for him to keep us in his hands and watch over us, because its just ugly out there without him folks. 

Toddler for Rent...

Man.. I have to just get this off my chest.. Its been bothering me for awhile, and I've been praying about it.. Because I'm the first to admit, I don't really have all the answers when it comes to marriage, Kids, or parenting.. or about 90% of other things.. But I am one helluva Whistler, so there's that.. Anyway..

I've realized I have become pretty cynical when it comes to being a parent.. If you have kids, you will know what I'm about to talk about.. and if you don't, prep yourself.. Or don't.. because you may be one of the "Rainbows, Unicorns & Magic" parents that posts on Facebook all the time about your perfect life and children that are made of roses and magic beans, and how no sleep and screaming kids has only brightened your complexion and made you lose weight.. Good on ya' but thats not real in my world.

My life is not perfect.. but its pretty great. I have amazing Parents, an Amazing Church, Healthy, Happy Kids, Great Friends, and I serve an Awesome God.. But I have found that lately.. if and when I have to do anything that is out of my comfort zone (My comfort zone is driving to work, working, and going home, lol).. I'm just put-out with the whole thing. Part of this is because I'm TIRED. Truly Tired.. MJ & I have our house on the market and I don't know if you have ever tried cleaning a house, staging it, and keeping it clean with twin toddlers, but its not easy.. Keeping it clean will be the hardest of all! lol.. So I'm tired.

Cross is going through (What some are calling a stage, but its been going on for a year now, lol) a stage in which she is clingy, whiny and repeats things 3210 times. The Irony is that she is only like this with me. She is a perfect darling with everyone else..She acts amazing with my mom, with Jordan, with Leslie...  But with me.. She's kindof a terror.. Like the second I come home this is how it goes:

Crosslee--"Icicle.. Icicle... Icicle?" 

ME--Cross, you just had a popcicle, so No

Cross--Icicle, Icicle Icicle Icicle Icicle Icicle, Icicle Icicle Icicle Icicle?

Me--Cross, You Just had one, we are going to wait till dinner for anything else. 

(Lays down in the floor and starts to cry and whine, then gets backup)

Cross--Cheese?

Me--No, we are waiting to eat dinner

Cross--Cheese?Cheese?Cheese?Cheese?Cheese?Cheese?Cheese?Cheese?

Me--Crosslee, No. We are waiting to eat dinner. You have had plenty of snacks

Cross--Milk?

Me--No, you just finished your milk. 

Leslie the Nanny--Yes, Cross, you have had 3 snacks already.. 

Cross--(Lays down in the floor again and begins to cry, then goes over and pushes her sister)

Me--CROSS. We do NOT push our sister, Go sit in your naughty Chair..(I proceed to walk her to her room and sit her in her chair while she is sobbing. 

Crosslee then comes back out of the room.. 

Cross--Puffs?

Me--Crosslee. We are not having any snacks. We are going to wait to eat dinner, then you can have more food. 

Cross--NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (begins to cry and sob again, so I walk her back into her room and sit her in the naughty chair, and I go back in the living room. 

Wait for 1 minute..... Here comes Cross.. She has the naughty chair IN HER HANDS and sits it down beside me..  

Cross--Toads?

Me--Ok. we can go outside and look for Toads.. ( I begin to walk outside to look for toads)

Cross--MAAAAAAAAA MAAAAAAAA!! Lays down sobbing because I have walked 2 ft away from her, and she is certain I'm never coming back.. (Even though she knows the back yard is not a door to oblivion)

So.. yes.. this is how my days go when I come home. Yes, I know its probably just a phase.. but its a ROUGH phase.. Its even worse when we are in the car because she will go on for hours..

Cross-- "Get in car? Get in Car?

Me--Yes, lets go get in the car. 

Cross--OK (we go get in the car and drive away)

Cross--Get out? Get Out? Get out? Get Out? Get out? Get Out? Get out? Get Out? Get out? Get Out? 

Me--Cross, we can't get out until we get there, so just wait a few more minutes. 

Cross--Go Play?

Me--yes, we are going to the church to play. We will be there in just a few minutes. 

Cross--Ice Cream?

Me--No, we are going to play. 

Cross--Starts sobbing.. ICE CREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!

Me--No we are going to go play.. don't you want to go play with your friends at church?

Cross--Go play? Go Play? Go play? Go Play? Go play? Go Play? Go play? Go Play?

This is seriously how it goes. If you don't believe me, you can Ask Leslie Or Jordan... I mean its EXHAUSTING. And remember, this is just part 1 of my 2 kids.. Thankfully Londyn Lucille is pretty mild Mannered, but she has also decided to start laying on the floor and acting out.. but since she doesn't really talk yet, I haven't heard as much of it.. Hers is mainly just whining and crying. She has her moments, but her moments are a lot fewer than Crosslee's.. But I'm guessing she will catch up, then I can write a blog about her..lol

Now Granted, this is just one aspect of their personalities.. They have moments when they are shiny happy little people.. But unfortunately they sometimes save those moments for people other than their mom. I have read about this, and I know its normal.. but as a result, it doesn't make me real likely to want to get in the car and ride with them.. And this kind of thing can happen in Restaurants as well (they don't like to be confined).. so MJ's and I solution to this.. is just to stay home, or only go to 'safe zones' or places that require us to drive for about 15 min at the Max.. But we realize that we have people that want to see the girls that live farther away than 10 min.. so we make the trip.. But by the time we get there I literally am wanting to pull all the hair out of my head, lol..

So I'm going to have to re-group. I'm going to have to get more patient. I'm going to have to suck it up..and get through this, and realize that this is something most parents go through.. Its just that they usually have ONE kid and I have TWO.. But I'm writing this to let you know that OTHER PEOPLE DO GO THROUGH THIS.. My kids are freakin cute.. Really adorable.. and at times they are AWESOME.. and Hilarious, and well-behaved! Cross has the most amazing manners.. She said Please, and Thank you, and counts to 10... She's Crazy smart.. And Londyn is so squishy and funny. She speaks in weird robot talk, and could play in the sand for hours entertaining herself..

But its not all rainbows and roses when you are a parent. Its TOUGH. Its Guilt-inducing, Its maddening, Its Tiresome, Its Selfless, Its Annoying, Its Confusing!! But.. Its also Inspiring, Rewarding, Special, Spiritual, Hilarious, & its limited.. because even though you will always be the parent.. There will be times when I know I will look back on this phase of life and be sad that Cross doesn't cry anymore when I walk away from her.. Or wonder why she quit giving me 20 hugs a day and asking to sit on my lap. Or Londyn running over to me and saying "TEN!" Time is passing.. and it goes quickly..

So instead of viewing all these things as nuisances.. I'm going to try to view them as opportunities.. Opportunities from God to raise a good child. Opportunities for our families to form lasting, awesome relationships with our babies. Opportunity for me to learn to be more patient, and not always be in a hurry for the next phase to start. Opportunities to be silent and know that God is God, and he is going to see me through whatever trial I'm having, Whatever trial the girls are having, and know that he is present and he doesn't make mistakes.. Even when I think I have screwed it up beyond Measure. Its all perspective.. and mine has sucked lately.. But the good news is.. I have time to change it, and I'm going to start right now.. But lets be honest.. this is not easy. Its hard to get excited about your kid having an all out tantrum, and viewing it as an opportunity.. but I know that God doesn't' give me more than I can handle.. However, I can only handle it so many times a day, so if I don't meet you for dinner, or come to your party.. don't be mad.

They just can't get rid of me..

So I've heard comments from a few of you that have heard me back on the radio.. Before you get too excited.. its just on commercials.. But.. It still counts! I'm actually doing spots for All Star Moving. I met those guys when I worked at Chesapeake and he called me a few weeks ago, and I was happy to help. I'm sure the folks at the old radio station were just thrilled with this news.. They just can't seem to get rid of me.. which does cause me to smile just a bit.. PS, if you need movers, seriously, All star is the BEST. Call them. They do it all.. Storage, boxes, moving you, etc.. And they are truly awesome people. 399-3004 or  go online to allstarmovingandstorage.com. 

I still miss the radio business.. I don't think I really miss the Concerts & Events that much.. I just miss being creative everyday. Making people Laugh.. Creating Art in some form. I'm meant to be creative.. and while I love my current job, my boss, and the folks I work with.. it doesn't require me to have a ton of creativity. Although.. I did get to write a new parody song, which you guys know I love to do. I wrote it for our Customer Commitments Challenge.. Its to "We are the Champions" and its awesome. i can say that, because It is.. If there's one thing I know I'm pretty good at, its writing parody songs.. So when the competition is over, I'll post it and you guys can listen. Its about the daily IT life.. its funny.. and true..

I think at the end of the day I just miss making people laugh. I still try to do that as much as I can. In fact I challenged a co-worker the other day to a "Whistle-off".. which reminding me of my radio bit "Stump The Whistler".. He got scared and refused..but it still made me laugh. I miss playing the Accordion and doing those stupid Polka's.. I miss the interaction and everyday life with listeners.. Sure kickin it with George Strait and Garth Brooks was a definite Perk, but that is not really what I miss. I miss making people's days better with a laugh. But... I know, for now, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. God has always taken care of me, and I know he has a plan for my life now, just like he always has..

One of the best things about right now.. is that Crosslee thinks I'm the best thing that's ever happened. I know she won't always feel this way..but she wants to be with me from the second I wake up till the second she goes to bed. Sitting with me, chatting with me, playing with me.. She hugs and kisses me all the time. She loves her daddy too, and she will "Pet" him, lol.. but right now, her mommy is #1. I'm enjoying this time.

 

So We have had a good Summer so far. We got the girls a little pool and they have been little
water worms.. They love going down the slide and sunning. They get in it in their PJs in the am if we don't catch them! They just love being outside. Since it has been raining, they really love splashing in puddles.. its their favorite thing. We are going to the farm this weekend and they will get to ride on their horses..

We are thinking about selling our house.. I say thinking because when I "THINK" about staging a house, and getting rid of 2/3 of my stuff with twin 2 year olds.. it makes me want to punch myself in the face.. But..we are out of room in this one. It would have been fine had we not had twins, but now we are overflowing with toys, and crap.. So we are going to think about doing that.. The task sounds daunting. I mean can you imagine? No. Blargh. Yuck.

We have been having so much fun with our small group. Last night we had a BBQ and we had Six kiddos' running around all 3 and under.. they had a big time. They just run and share drinks, & food.. Pushing each other, hugging each other.. I mean living life as a Toddler is hilarious. Its all about you.. and you have no patience for anyone or anything that doesn't want to make it about you.. I mean learning how to be a human is hard.. They are like little dictators walking around.. but they are all so cute and its awesome for them to have friends to play with all the time. We always have a blast together.

We took the girls to the Jenks Aquarium a few weeks ago. Cross loved it.. and all the "Bish" that she saw.. LL just loved running down the isles.. Thats our life story pretty much. Running and Running! I know I've been given an important job. Probably the hardest one I'll ever do, so I'm going to try to not screw it up. When I look in the faces of my girls I see such curiosity, and happiness.. My only hope is that I can always see that when I look at them. That the fires that burn within them always remain bright, and that they always know they have 2 parents that love them so much and a God that loves them even more. Everyday I pray to NOT screw this up, and on the days that I do, that they forgive me, just like God forgives me. It truly takes a village.. but its a fun village. God is good!

Girls 2nd Birthday Party--Noah's Ark 2 by 2!

Well.. We successfully had the girls 2nd birthday party. I can't believe they are Two already! The first year of their lives felt like it took a long time to get to 1.. but from the first to second it just flew by!

I picked out the theme about 6 months ago.. The girls love animals, and I knew the party was going to be at the Crossings Playground, so we decided on "Noah's Ark, 2 by 2".. because that was of course the cutest and most fitting for the girls. 

I will try to provide info on where everything came from..but I've been collecting it for 6 months, so my apologies if I miss some of it. 

The fabulous Cake came from Chubby Cheeks Bakery in Edmond. It was awesome. She did an Ark "Cake" and then we added the animal Cake Pops to the center of it.. She even made a Noah Cake Pop! It was the CUTEST.. 

The girls wore super cute outfits that we found on Etsy. A Shop called Lillybellasboutique.https://www.etsy.com/shop/LilyBellasBoutique She designed the shirts for us, then Mom found matching pants from Mis Tee V Us. They turned out super cute.. Ironically, I left it to their dad to get them dressed while I went to setup for the party, and he put Cross's Shirt on Londyn.. lol..

Their Chalkboards were one of my favorite things. We found a shop on Etsy who actually put the pictures ON the chalkboards which I think makes them so much more personal.. and cuter.. Her Shop is Called My Three Charms, and she can do just about any Theme. She's super sweet and easy to work with.

The Cute Vinyl Sign came from Oriental Trading too.. they had one we hung on the gate, and they had another one that stabbed into the ground. They were cheap and they do a pretty good job with those..

The Big Ark, Giraffe and Zebra were ordered from Oriental Trading. Now.. these things do not stand up very easily..they are kinda flimsy, so we ended up putting ours up on the fence. Plus is was kinda wet that day, so it was better that they were kept under the Awning. The first Giraffe we ordered had been shot.. (had a hole in him) so we had to send him back, but they were quick to send out another one.. However, they wanted me to send the old one back.. They paid for shipping, but it was a pain in the butt, so just keep that in mind if you order from them.

We ordered Masks for the Ark from Melissa & Doug.. "Put em on, 2 by 2, wearing Masks is what we do!" and had all the kiddos pick one, put it on and take off! They were pretty easy to put together (I pre-assembled before, but if you had older kids this would be a super fun birthday activity to do while they are there). They were awesome. The kids really enjoyed them. 

Those delicious looking Pretzel animals came from another Etsy Shop Called Sparklesbaby that is UH. Maze. ING. She did the pretzel animals, Chocolate Covered rainbow Oreo Cake Pops, and Choclate rainbow drizzled Rice Krispy Treats. They were all so freaking good. She is super easy to work with and ships them in plenty of time. You can store them in the frig.. We are still eating the stuff a week later and its just as delicious. 

 The super Cute Treat Bags came from Jettabees.   These were one of my favorite things at the party because they are soo soo cute, and an awesome little hand-crafted touch. They were also super affordable. She let us pick which 'animals' we wanted for the bags and they were so cute. We used these as the goodie/take-away bags for the kids at the party. We put a LED light Stick in there, (Compete with a sticker of Cross & LL from Sticker you. They make great stickers for anything,a nd we just loved them.) LED bracelet, Hershey's kisses (complete with Cross & LL 2 by 2 stickers stuck on the bottom of each Kiss. Those little cute stickers were from Party Games. They can make them for little candy bars, or whatever you like. Its just a cute little Unique Touch.

We also put a plastic Ark Animal, and some really cute little Noahs' Ark Rubber Duckies. A rainbow Crayon, Rainbow Swirl Lollipops, and on the back of the sacks we had little Thank you Stickers from Treasured Moments. There are literally a million things you can do as little personal touches. Etsy and Pinterest will dominate your mind with these things.. but these are just the ones I chose that didn't require a TON of money or effort. 

I made Butterly Treat Bags from an Idea on Pinterest. I put Rainbow Goldfish in some of them, and then I put assorted fruits in other. They are pretty easy.. Clothes pin, pipe cleaners, googly eyes and hot glue.. Here's the Pinterest Pin.. 

I also got the Cheese brella Idea from Pinterest. These are super easy. You take Babybel cheeses, cut off the tops of them and stab a bendy straw in them. You can also leave some straight. They make super cute cheese treats, and the cheese gives everyone a break from the Sugar rush!  I also made a fruit Umbrella that the kids could munch on.. complete with baby Marsh mellow Clouds. 

I also made Rainbow Bars.. but there was so much other stuff to eat that it wasn't really worth it. I bought Fruity Pebbles and mixed them with Marshmellow cream (Like Rice Krispy Treats) and put them in a pan with sprinkles. 

Now lets talk about the Cookies. OMgosh. If you have not been to 1 Smart Cookie in OKC you are missing out in your life. People look at these cookies and think "There's no way they can be that cute and taste good".. Um, I'm here to tell you that you are WRONG. Those cookies are the best cookies I have ever had. Everyone raved about them and they are so so good. They can make about any shape you want, and I still have the left-over Donkey on my desk.. he's so cute that I can't bring myself to eat him.. yet I know if I bite into him, he will be delicious magic. The struggle is real folks. She did Rainbows, Raindrops and animals for me. Everyone loved them and they are still asking about them now.. 

The Invitations were one of my favorite things too.. We ordered those from Sara Janes Studio and they were adorable. Took no time to assemble and fit in a square envelope. I also could not send out the invitations without the personalized Stamps from Stamps.com 

You can also order the thanks you's for this at the same time.. Which I should have done, but waited till later.. so be smart and order those when you order the invites. 

Plates, Cups, Napkins, etc.. I ordered those from Birthday Direct. They have cute little bundles you can get. I ordered Rainbow Tablecloths, and more napkins and cups from Amazon. They were cheap, so save the money for the cute stuff. 

These were a nice little touch.. "Flood Water". Got a Printable from Etsy, cut them out, and then Put them on mini water bottles with Packing Tape.. that way they wouldn't bleed in ice, or if the bottle sweated. They were cute and I put them in a big bucket on Ice. 

This cute little "Photo Op" came from Shindigz.. Its a Lion, and you put your face in it to take Pics.. however, it was a little Breezy, and once again, if you do this outside, you'll need to make sure you have a place for it to stand up because its kindof a pain. The Kids didn't care that much about it, but a few parents did get some cute pics.. 

So as I'm writing this.. I realize its way more elaborate that I had firs thought.. Because we also got animal balloons from Party City, Cupcakes, Rainbow Twizzlers, Rainbow Gold Fish, and probably a bunch of other crap I can't think of.. But.. if you start hoarding 6 months before the party, it doesn't seem that bad. I do think the little personal touches make the party great.. So I tried to do as many of those as I could without going broke, and going crazy. 

Everyone had a blast, and everyone enjoyed the food.. so yes, While I did go a little crazy, it was totally worth it! Except now I feel like I have some big shoes to fill for next year! Still loved that it was outside at our church.. kids loved running and playing the whole time, and we loved the big Pavilions for shelter and food. It was a great trip on the Ark! 

Mommie Dearest....

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you have just kinda failed at life? I kinda had a WEEK like that last week.. It was a rough week.

On Monday we (MJ and I) went to a funeral.. those are never fun.. The girls had a playdate with a sweet little girl that ended up having Hand/foot/Mouth, so we have been super paranoid that they were going to get sick (so far so good, 6 days later, fingers crossed, and I swear its because I oiled them) and then we tried to go to a fun event at church (Volopulooza), didn't bring the stroller, and ended up chasing the girls across a soccer field.. #Parentfail. Drove the girls to Tulsa to visit MJ's Grandma and to go to the aquarium.. But by the time we had driven up there, visited, ate lunch, and they didn't take naps, they were losing their minds.. So..we didn't get to go to the aquarium. #parentfail. Ran out of Cross's "Juice" (pediasure), Diapers, and Wipes.. #parentfail. So as you can see.. I have had a week in which I just kinda feel like a big fat failure at life..

The girls have had allergies and its just not been easy for them.. Cross makes it much harder because she refuses to take medicine.. LL does too.. so I was thinking.. "Why don't I get those dissolve tabs and then it will be like candy?".. Yes, KC, great idea! So I did this..and it was a hit with Londyn. She loved hers.. so success.. Cross? NO. She spit it out. She knew immediately.. and even though it tasted like Grape Shasta.. she was having no part of it.. I tried to sneak it in gummies, cheese, meat.. Nope. She spit it out every time.. then started questioning the authenticity of the gummy.. Spit it out.. Leslie also tried to give it to her. She looked Leslie square in the face and said "NO" and threw it down.. Sometimes that Kid is too smart for her own good.. Thankfully she will still take the liquid form, so that has been helping with the coughing at night.

I have realized that a lot of things change when you become a parent.. and they should.. Your life is not your own anymore, and the days of doing what YOU want to do are over.. so if you are one of those people thinking you will have a baby and nothing will change.. Think again. It should change, because when you become a parent, you should be thinking of your Kids as the first priority anyway.. but that doesn't make it any easier for your former, selfish self to deal.. Right now Cross is still in the phase of clinging to me. I can't get more than 3 ft away from her or she starts yelling "mama! Mama!" and if I don't' go back (because I'm walking to the bathroom) she lays in the floor sobbing.. I know there will come days when I wish she would WANT me to be around her.. so even though sometimes those moments are trying, I try to just stop and sit with her, because I know the one thing she is really wanting is ME.. Well, and maybe a Popsicle..

With kids comes so many magical moments.. Moments that you would never trade, but there are also crap moments.. Moments in which you feel like you don't get it right.. that they will end up in therapy.. that you could have made a better choice.. that you shouldn't have said that.. that you got dealt a poor hand.. Its hard. There are weeks that you feel like you just don't measure up as a parent.. And there are days when you feel like you just need a break.. but then you feel guilty for feeling you like need a break! Guilt as a mom is huge. I have guilt for not using the words "So in love" with my newborns when they were born. I think the words that I used were like "Scared to death".. But everyone else will have babies and post these heart-felt pictures.. "We just had a baby..and we are so in love".. I was thinking "I just had 2 babies, How will I keep them alive?".. I have guilt that sometimes I just want to sleep till 7:00, or go to 3 movies in one day, Or sit at Barns & Noble by myself...

Its not that I don't enjoy being a mom.. I do.. but I think most people don't realize when you have kids, you are breaking up with your former life. All the things you formerly did, that basically revolved around what YOU want to do have to change. That can make you feel bad, and feel guilty, So its a wake-up call.. I read this.. and it was great.. So enjoy.. and feel less guilt.. and Celebrate your kids.. And realize that even when you screw it up, your kids are still going to love and forgive you.. much like Jesus does.

To The Mom Who Yelled at Her Kids Today (Thanks Brooke!)

I'm going to remind myself of this when Cross kicks me.. because she has diaper rash... and when I try to wipe cream on her.. it ends up on my eyes, my work clothes, and everywhere but..her Butt...And the next time she spits blueberry advil at me... lol.. Gotta love it!!!

Easter Awesomeness

We had an amazing Easter. If you have ever been to Crossings for Easter, then you know there is no shortage of magic happening. We went to church.. A LOT.. lol.. But what better place to be around Easter!

On Monday I had Women's Bible Study.. Wednesday we had Small group.. Thursday we went to the Maundy Thursday Service.. Friday we went to Good Friday..and Saturday we went to the Easter Service. Marty had asked us 'regulars' to go to the Saturday service so that more people who were visiting the church could fit in on Sunday, so we did that. We met some friends there, and brought some friends of our own.. I could have picked better seats, but other than that, we had an Amazing Easter Service. My parents came up and we had a full day of fun Easter Activities.

We took the girls to look for Eggs at Classen Curve. They had an Easter Bunny there and it was all Cross could talk about.. "Da Bun. Da Bun." So when she saw him.. she waved really big..but thats where it ends. She didn't want to sit with him, or by him.. just loved him from afar.. she Still loves looking at his picture.

Classen Curve also had a bounce house. Cross loves these. She's a beast.. She flails and throws her body against the sides, and jumps.. Londyn prefers sitting in the bouncer and letting the other kids bounce her.. they had a good time. Then we all walked over to Uppercrust and had some Delish pizza.. All was well until Cross took JA and launched him across the table spilling Pa's tee.. Crosslee has a cannon for an arm. Her aim is unreal accurate, and her power is bizarre.. There's a reason we call her Crosszilla.. It was a great time.

Then last weekend we went to Sentinel to see Pops and Grammy.. and Cousin Ava, Joe, Luke, and 2nd cousin Everly were all there to play. It was like the running of the bulls! Cross & Ava became best friends and held hands running around the house.. Londyn did her own thing, and once Joe arrived Ava, Cross & Joe ran wild with their stick horses.. Only one episode of crying when Cross threw a block at Ava.. We are going through a 'throwing' phase right now.. its not great.. but I think its hard to understand as a Toddler why its ok to throw a ball.. but not ok to throw a rock.. So we are working on it.. Good news is she says "I Sowee"and Ava said "Iss Okay".. then they go right back at it.. Its pretty cute. They are all within 8 months of each other, so they are now getting to the age where its really fun for them to be together. And Really fun to watch.. they keep each other entertained. Ava & Cross would just laugh and laugh.. LL likes to watch them, but she's not sure about jumping in the middle of it just yet.. I can't blame her there.. Cross is a beast.

Tammy Hall took Easter Pics for us.. OMGOSH..She did amazing. She does Amazing work. She has an indoor and outdoor studio, and her back yard is an oasis..so beautiful. She took so many good pics in such a short amount of time. She had a live bunny and he was so cute.. Cross loved him, and gave him some pets, kisses, hugs, and yogurt melts.. Check Tammy's stuff out at Tammy Hall Photography. She offers excellent packages with super deals. Look at some of these pics..

So we loved them.. We also stopped and took some pics in the beautiful Canola.. I took a picture in it when I was 35 weeks Pregnant.. took some of the girls last year... so we had to take some this year too..

Canola pics are easy to take.. because the fields are so pretty.. Plus we were able to drive right up to it, so thats helpful.

After we left Sentinel we went to Canute to see Gigi & Pa.. Pa put the girls in his "Calf-catcher".. for those that are not aware of this device.. its a device that he hooks to his 4 wheeler.. and when a new calf is born and he needs to give it shots and ear-tag it, he rides it up alongside the Calf and 'catches' the calf in there.. The cage protects both him and the calf.. making farm life much easier than getting trampled by a crazy mama cow.. So here's a little video of that magic.. because it can also be used as a fun Twin Ride!

So as you can see.. Pa is always coming up with fun things for them to do at the farm. I worry about the day when they don't want to come home with me anymore. 

So we have had a great couple of weeks. Excited that Spring is here! Keep on Twinning!!! 

An Easter letter to God..

Dear God,

Last night I went to the Maundy Thursday service at church with my family. I felt so proud to gather in my church where my kids are going to grow up. I love watching them run down the hallways and go into their classrooms.. (Sometimes with tears, sometimes without, lol). I sat down with a row of people from my Sunday School class and I just felt so blessed. I know there are people in this world that don't get the freedom that we have to worship together, and I know there are people in this world who have not found a church that loves and embraces them. I'm so grateful to have both those things in my life.

This Easter is my anniversary at Crossings. I remember talking to you many times about finding a church when I moved to Oklahoma City to take a new radio job. I went into so many different churches and they just didn't feel like where I was supposed to be until I walked into Crossings.. And as you know, walking into Crossings can be intimidating, but you gave me the courage to go. The Second I sat foot in the doors I knew I was home. The Biggest reason was the beautiful music I heard coming from an orchestra made of people that volunteer their time and are THAT talented! Blew my mind.. and this Church continues to do that for me every time I walk in.

As Terry was telling the Communion Story I couldn't help but wonder how you were able to do what you did. When he said "God had chosen his Lamb" it gave me chills because when I look at my two babies I can't imagine the heartache you must have felt knowing you had to send your Son to save the world. I don't think I would be strong enough to do that. I can't imagine the hurt you felt when he asked you to take away his pain and to spare him. As a mom, all you want to do is make the lives of your kids great. You never want them to suffer, or be sad, or hurt, or have anyone hurt them.. Yet you sent Jesus to go through all that, and I'm sure it broke your heart. Its emotional, because I know you did it for all your other 'kids'.. me included.

A long time ago I heard a sermon that talked about a woman who had a son with a very special gene. A gene that could heal all sickness, cancers, and diseases in the world. This one boy could save the world from suffering all those painful diseases. But for the boy to be able to save them, he had to die so they could remove those cells that would save others. That sermon moved me because I don't know that we ever look at our kids, or our family and think that we could give them up ever.. Even to save a world from hurt, but that is exactly what you had to do and I'm grateful. I'm grateful that a new covenant has been made even though it was made out of heartbreak.

Friday we went to the Good Friday service. It was a moving example of how much God did for us. I know its important to remember what Jesus had to go through.. his friends betraying him.. people doubting him.. all the physical pain.. all the torment. It wasn't an easy choice for you to make, or for Jesus to live through, and even though Easter weekend is a happy time, I always want the reminder of what you did for us, and what Jesus lived through for us.

This is an emotional weekend. Not only is it my anniversary at Crossings, but its my birthday in Christ. I remember making my own covenant with you after watching an Easter play at the Baptist church in Hobart. I looked up at my dad and asked him to walk with me down the isle to give my life to you. There were tears in his eyes and I knew that that was something he, my grandma Leona, and my mom had been praying for since I was born.

 This time of year I always feel super close to my grandma, even though she has been gone for 16 years. I think I feel close to her because she was always so close to you and nothing pleased her more than when I started my own relationship with you. I'd imagine she's pretty happy now too watching my girls. I hope that with your help I can leave that same example of faith for my girls.

So thank you God. Thank you for all my blessings that I watch every day. Thank you for my church and the amazing joy it brings me every time I walk into it. Thank you for my family and for always knowing Exactly what I need, even when I don't. When I found out I was having twins I really questioned your judgement.. I wasn't even sure about ONE baby, and here you go giving me TWO babies. I questioned whether or not I could even keep them alive! I had never even held a baby before, and now I'd be opening up my arms for two?? I remember having some pretty serious discussions with you about this.. lol.. And asking you "What are you thinking!?".. Even though you are the God of the Universe I still stupidly question your judgement sometimes.. Which I realize as I write this is ignorant.. so My bad on that.. But once again, You were right. When I look at Crosslee I see visions of me as a toddler.. Endlessly Curious, always in a hurry, stubborn, Passionate and Driven.. and I think.. What an Amazing Kid to know!.. But then When I look at Londyn I see a kid that truly savors every moment she lives in.. every bite she takes, every grain of sand that she runs through her hands. She looks at the world with her eyes wide open, just waiting to take it all in. She has the sweetest smile and is so sincere and I think.. What an Amazing Kid to know! I can only imagine this is how you feel when you look at all your kids. Every one different, but every one special. They are beautiful, healthy, special, and built just for me.

So Thank you for always knowing my heart.. for always having my back.. and for knowing what I am capable of, even when I don't. For putting people in my life who are truly great. For giving me the courage to distance myself from those who do not share the same vision for my family. For my husband who you built just for me, and my babies who bring me so much joy. Thank you for forgiving me when I fail you or disappoint you. Thank you for putting me in situations that teach me important lessons, and Thank you for saving me. Your love is truly Great and I'm excited to celebrate it this Easter.
Love you,
KC
PS, Tell my Grandma Leona Hi for me and that I still miss every day.