Man.. I have to just get this off my chest.. Its been bothering me for awhile, and I've been praying about it.. Because I'm the first to admit, I don't really have all the answers when it comes to marriage, Kids, or parenting.. or about 90% of other things.. But I am one helluva Whistler, so there's that.. Anyway..
I've realized I have become pretty cynical when it comes to being a parent.. If you have kids, you will know what I'm about to talk about.. and if you don't, prep yourself.. Or don't.. because you may be one of the "Rainbows, Unicorns & Magic" parents that posts on Facebook all the time about your perfect life and children that are made of roses and magic beans, and how no sleep and screaming kids has only brightened your complexion and made you lose weight.. Good on ya' but thats not real in my world.
My life is not perfect.. but its pretty great. I have amazing Parents, an Amazing Church, Healthy, Happy Kids, Great Friends, and I serve an Awesome God.. But I have found that lately.. if and when I have to do anything that is out of my comfort zone (My comfort zone is driving to work, working, and going home, lol).. I'm just put-out with the whole thing. Part of this is because I'm TIRED. Truly Tired.. MJ & I have our house on the market and I don't know if you have ever tried cleaning a house, staging it, and keeping it clean with twin toddlers, but its not easy.. Keeping it clean will be the hardest of all! lol.. So I'm tired.
Cross is going through (What some are calling a stage, but its been going on for a year now, lol) a stage in which she is clingy, whiny and repeats things 3210 times. The Irony is that she is only like this with me. She is a perfect darling with everyone else..She acts amazing with my mom, with Jordan, with Leslie... But with me.. She's kindof a terror.. Like the second I come home this is how it goes:
Crosslee--"Icicle.. Icicle... Icicle?"
ME--Cross, you just had a popcicle, so No
Cross--Icicle, Icicle Icicle Icicle Icicle Icicle, Icicle Icicle Icicle Icicle?
Me--Cross, You Just had one, we are going to wait till dinner for anything else.
(Lays down in the floor and starts to cry and whine, then gets backup)
Me--No, we are waiting to eat dinner
Me--Crosslee, No. We are waiting to eat dinner. You have had plenty of snacks
Me--No, you just finished your milk.
Leslie the Nanny--Yes, Cross, you have had 3 snacks already..
Cross--(Lays down in the floor again and begins to cry, then goes over and pushes her sister)
Me--CROSS. We do NOT push our sister, Go sit in your naughty Chair..(I proceed to walk her to her room and sit her in her chair while she is sobbing.
Crosslee then comes back out of the room..
Me--Crosslee. We are not having any snacks. We are going to wait to eat dinner, then you can have more food.
Cross--NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (begins to cry and sob again, so I walk her back into her room and sit her in the naughty chair, and I go back in the living room.
Wait for 1 minute..... Here comes Cross.. She has the naughty chair IN HER HANDS and sits it down beside me..
Me--Ok. we can go outside and look for Toads.. ( I begin to walk outside to look for toads)
Cross--MAAAAAAAAA MAAAAAAAA!! Lays down sobbing because I have walked 2 ft away from her, and she is certain I'm never coming back.. (Even though she knows the back yard is not a door to oblivion)
So.. yes.. this is how my days go when I come home. Yes, I know its probably just a phase.. but its a ROUGH phase.. Its even worse when we are in the car because she will go on for hours..
Cross-- "Get in car? Get in Car?
Me--Yes, lets go get in the car.
Cross--OK (we go get in the car and drive away)
Cross--Get out? Get Out? Get out? Get Out? Get out? Get Out? Get out? Get Out? Get out? Get Out?
Me--Cross, we can't get out until we get there, so just wait a few more minutes.
Me--yes, we are going to the church to play. We will be there in just a few minutes.
Me--No, we are going to play.
Cross--Starts sobbing.. ICE CREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!
Me--No we are going to go play.. don't you want to go play with your friends at church?
Cross--Go play? Go Play? Go play? Go Play? Go play? Go Play? Go play? Go Play?
So I'm going to have to re-group. I'm going to have to get more patient. I'm going to have to suck it up..and get through this, and realize that this is something most parents go through.. Its just that they usually have ONE kid and I have TWO.. But I'm writing this to let you know that OTHER PEOPLE DO GO THROUGH THIS.. My kids are freakin cute.. Really adorable.. and at times they are AWESOME.. and Hilarious, and well-behaved! Cross has the most amazing manners.. She said Please, and Thank you, and counts to 10... She's Crazy smart.. And Londyn is so squishy and funny. She speaks in weird robot talk, and could play in the sand for hours entertaining herself..
But its not all rainbows and roses when you are a parent. Its TOUGH. Its Guilt-inducing, Its maddening, Its Tiresome, Its Selfless, Its Annoying, Its Confusing!! But.. Its also Inspiring, Rewarding, Special, Spiritual, Hilarious, & its limited.. because even though you will always be the parent.. There will be times when I know I will look back on this phase of life and be sad that Cross doesn't cry anymore when I walk away from her.. Or wonder why she quit giving me 20 hugs a day and asking to sit on my lap. Or Londyn running over to me and saying "TEN!" Time is passing.. and it goes quickly..
So instead of viewing all these things as nuisances.. I'm going to try to view them as opportunities.. Opportunities from God to raise a good child. Opportunities for our families to form lasting, awesome relationships with our babies. Opportunity for me to learn to be more patient, and not always be in a hurry for the next phase to start. Opportunities to be silent and know that God is God, and he is going to see me through whatever trial I'm having, Whatever trial the girls are having, and know that he is present and he doesn't make mistakes.. Even when I think I have screwed it up beyond Measure. Its all perspective.. and mine has sucked lately.. But the good news is.. I have time to change it, and I'm going to start right now.. But lets be honest.. this is not easy. Its hard to get excited about your kid having an all out tantrum, and viewing it as an opportunity.. but I know that God doesn't' give me more than I can handle.. However, I can only handle it so many times a day, so if I don't meet you for dinner, or come to your party.. don't be mad.