Many years ago, I realized that I was NOT like most women I knew. Not that I was a bad thing, or they were a good thing.. it was just really different.. Even when I was growing up.. I realized my goals for myself were not the norm, and the expectations I had for myself were not the norm.. Now I know why this is.. 1) I was an ENTJ on the Myers Briggs.. and 2) Because I was a lemon Pie.
**Disclaimer** This is my theory on pies upon first meeting them. You cannot say how someone would be after you REALLY get to know them, because at that point their guard is down, and it changes the way they act.***
Women, are like Pies. And they are all delicious in their own way.. but they are VERY different tastes, textures, and personalities. So today, ladies and Gents.. I'm going to blow your mind. Prepare yourself for the Pie People. You can tie, almost every woman (I have not done this for men, I'm still working on that) you know into a slice of these pies:
Cherry Pies will use words to describe their husbands like "Cute" and their kids are "delicious".. They will often say they are "so in love with".. XYZ. They will use hashtags like this #blessed #myeverything #precious #perfection. They describe times in their lives as Perfection, and even if its not Perfection, that is the illusion they are going to give you. Cherry Pies will be able to make breakfast meals in the shapes of disney characters and Fruits in happy faces across their kids dinner plates. They are amazing at Pinterest activities. You will be jealous of how they make everything look so easy, You will wonder if they ever really have any problems with their kids or their husbands, because they really do look like they have it all. They probably decorate their desks at work with festive things, or adorable pictures of their family, or cute sayings.. Cherry pies are super-high feelers. They are all about sharing their feelings, and encouraging others to share theirs. If Cherry pies are going through something, and admit it to people, everyone will surround them, hug them, and cry with them.
Their family pictures are things dreams are made of. They have professional pictures taken a lot. Sometimes they match as a family.. because somehow.. Somehow.. that Cherry pie managed to convince her kids and husband to Coordinate.. got them in the car, and got them to all smile like a magical family.. THEN converted that picture onto a Canvas and draped Fleur De Leur's around it in her living room to match her pristine kitchen that has White Cabinets.
Cherry Pie's love Pottery Barn. In fact their houses look like you just stepped into a Pottery Barn Show room. Nothing is out of place. It looks like they spent hours cleaning, and then when you see them they will look like the perfect Step ford wife.. With magnificent shiny lips, and pristine Hair. Its fantastic. They know how to wear, and live in high-heels. They throw amazing parties that everyone wants to go too, because they usually have amazing treats at them. They know how to make Champagne Punch, and Wedding Punch.. They have Fiesta Dishes.. They like to work out, and they even look like they like to work out.. which is incredible. Overall.. Cherry pies are the bomb. I mean like I said, Everyone loves Cherry Pies.. (Cue the Warrant Song here)..
Rhubarbs are an acquired taste. Meaning, they are delicious, but upon first glance, someone might not KNOW they are delicious.. They might offend you right off, then turn around and hug your neck.. Kinda like a fine wine. It may take someone a little longer to warm up to a rhubarb because you honestly just don't relate to what they are saying.. But after they get to know them, they can begin to see the magic of the rhubarb pie. Rhubarbs are mysterious.. you don't know what they are thinking, but you know they are in deep thought. Rhubarbs are also usually very Loyal friend.. and the first to offer to help you bury a body.. should you ever need that.. lol
Lemons are not worried about what people think about them. In fact, they are usually trying to do something out of the ordinary.. If they wear something that no one else wears, and someone makes fun of them for it.. the Lemon will not care. Lemons are not high-feelers. In fact, you will sometimes have to remind the lemon to have some feelings.. The Lemon is really not interested in making tons of friends, or impressing people. They just Usually entertain people by making them laugh, or saying exactly what someone else WANTS to say, but will not. Lemons can be tender.. but its not common nature for them. Usually its about specific things.. For me, its old people, animals, and Music. I'm super emotional about Music. So usually you will find a couple of things that make Lemons tender, but it will be far less than you would find with a Cherry pie. And.. even if the Lemon is tender about something, chances are you won't see that side anyway. They are really good at hiding it, in case you didn't notice, the rind of a lemon is pretty hard to get through. ;) But.. if you ever do, they will be loyal, and a friend for life. They will also be glad to spew sour from their mouth to defend you in a situation.. no matter what pie you are. But.. if you can stomach the sour of the lemon.. They will make you Laugh! They will even say inappropriate things that you are thinking when no one else will say them. They will entertain you with sarcasm, wit and hilarious stories, but the stories will always have a twinge of sour related to them! Lemons can be some of your most funny friends.. if you can stand the sour humor!
The next pie on the Agenda.. and really the most versatile Pie on the Pie Chart.. is the Key Lime Pie. Key limes are amazing, because they have the ability to play to whatever audience they are with. Meaning, they are the perfect mixture of both Cherry and Lemon. Key limes may have a few rhubarb tendencies, but normally they fit in pretty well with a group of cherry pies or a group of Lemon pies, or even a group of Rhubarbs. Whoever they are with, is what kind of mood they will be in that day!
If Key limes go to a party with Lemons who are all talking about how ridiculous the world is these days, they will chime in about how ridiculous it is too! But.. on that same vain, if they go to a gathering where all the cherry pies are talking about how much fun it is to make cornbread from scratch.. they will also chime in about their favorite cornbread recipe. Key limes love the positivism that Cherry pies bring, but they also know that they are Probably more realistically thinking like the Lemon, but they would never say that, because it would hurt the Cherry pies feelings! Key limes do not like to hurt people's feelings! They like everyone to be happy, and they will go to great lengths to smooth over a disagreement in the group, or "Fix" the situation if someone is upset. Key limes like to go to social events where they are going to feel welcomed. They love Community and events to go to, and things to participate in, because they love "Joining" in. They want people to like and accept them, and most people usually do, because the key-lime is a little sweet, with a little sour. Sometimes the Key lime is not exactly sure what side they like the best, so they are good at staying in the middle and making sure everyone has what they need. They throw great parties because they meet everyone's needs, and they usually love entertaining.. but then are dead tired AFTER entertaining! They usually get volunteered to do things because they don't say "NO" to people. They don't usually love confrontation, so they will say "YES" to avoid someone getting their feelings hurt, or having to confront someone else to do the job. Key-Limes are what make the world go round!
This bring us to the final Pie.. Minced Meat. Now.. we all know a minced meat pie. This is the Debby Downer of Pies. No one really gets excited to see this Pie on the table, except other minced meat lovers. Whenever you talk to a minced meat SOMETHING is always wrong. They are never satisfied, and they don't have any problems telling you about it. They have usually been 'wronged' some way by 'the man'.. They don't always see their blessings, and forget about counting them! Minced meat, hopefully, is a "short term" pie.. We all go through times of "Minced meat" but hopefully we all come out of it.. because Minced meat pie is not really someone wants to be around.
Minced meat goes from one dramatic event to the next. If you offer them advice on how to fix it, they will usually ignore the advice you give them, because they honestly don't want to fix the problem, they want you to feel sorry for them. They are Martyr's in life. Its never their fault, always someone else's, because they have just been dealt a bad hand in the deck of life cards. Minced meat's will feel that life "Owes" them something just for living, as opposed to doing something to make the situation better. Minced meats will ask you for advice.. then never take it.. Now, Like I said.. hopefully.. HOPEFULLY.. this pie is temporary.. and eventually the Minced meat will come back around, and find some goodness in the world.. Otherwise they will have very few friends, lol. People will hang around Minced meat for awhile.. try to help.. offer prayer and suggestions.. but they can't stay there forever. They will also not continue to offer advice to Minced Meats if Minced Meat has NO intention of ever getting out of the never-ending negative circle.. So if you are minced meat, or know someone who is.. try to get them out of this flavor pretty quick!
The Best part of the pies, is they work together pretty good. Lemon's and Cherry's love sharing advice and suggestions with each other.. IF.. You understand that you are going to get cherry advice from cherries, and lemon advice from Lemons. Don't ask me to give you cherry advice. I'm a citrus. I'm not capable. The closest you will get is a grapefruit piece of advice, which is still going to be sour. Minced meats are going to ask you for advice, but not take it.. so that will get super frustrating quickly. Rhubarbs are going to give great advice, and probably advice you had not thought of before.. So enjoy each other, and don't try to make someone fit into a pie they are not. Celebrate the pies that you are!
So there you have it.. Now you should be able to enter a group of people, and know exactly who you are talking to! I need to come up with a quiz you can take to find out what pie you are.. but my guess is that most people know, and that most people know what kind of pies their friends are. Whichever pie you are.. celebrate it! (except Minced meat, and if you are that one, find a way to get out of being minced meat).. because we are all different, we are all delicious, and we are all needed at Thanksgiving and Christmas! So Eat, Drink, and be merry!