This used to upset me.. and to be honest, it still does sometimes. I am NOT like everyone else. I never have been. I'm not sure why, but I've always been a little different. I can remember as young as 3 or 4 playing by myself and putting on Concerts.. I was a very driven child. I thought I could change the world at a very early age by stirring a giant stick in the sand, and calling on "The Power of God".. (don't ask my mom about this.. she still finds it creepy).. Its never bothered me that I was an only child.. or that I played by myself a lot, because my imagination was insane. I mean the things I could come up with were bizarre.
Mom and I were discussing this yesterday.. Because we see inklings of this in Cross and it scares us, lol.. When Mom was watching the girls last weekend she let them watch a fish cartoon.. Well apparently the baby fish got taken away from their mom (temporarily) and Cross began to cry and cry.. Mom eventually had to just change the channel and tell her the fish was re-united.. She takes things like that HARD. I used to cry when My dad would spank my stuffed animals.. Now, if he spanked me, It wasn't that terrible.. but if he spanked my bunny, I would cry and cry.. I've always had a soft spot for stuffed animals. Still do.. and sadly I think this has spilled out onto Cross, because she is so tender to everyone of her babies..
So anyway, I've always been different. I didn't do things the "norm" did.. I didn't really know if I was ever going to get married, and I honestly didn't care. I was always busy with radio and school and teaching and volunteering and the other 245 things I liked to do, that I didn't feel "incomplete" because I wasn't married.. I also didn't see the point in marrying someone that you were going to want to divorce in 5 years.. I don't feel like I had a good handle on God's view of marriage until I met MJ. I don't even know if we had a good view of it when we got married, but I feel like learning God's expectations of marriage has sure helped ours.. and Continues to teach us things daily. I also truly believe that God built MJ just for me. He fills the voids where I can't, completes what I am missing, and understands how my heart works. I'm certainly glad I waited for him.
I didn't know if I would ever have kids.. I also didn't care too much about that. MJ and I were really happy in our lives at the time we decided to give it to to God. If he wanted us to have kids, we would and we would see what happened.. Man. God is funny isn't he? Twins? Wow. OK God, that was funny.. As blessed as I am now to have my two goats.. We decided at that moment when we gave it to God, that if we didn't have kids.. that would be ok too. We weren't going to go to great measures to make it happen.. we were going to be happy with that decision.. But as you can see, God is funny, and gave me 2 at a time.. ha ha! I wouldn't have it any other way..But I've realized as I have gotten married, and had kids.. that I don't always do things like everyone else..and that is ok, But sometimes I let it get the best of me.. When I see other mom's writing all these amazing things that their kids do, and mine has just kicked me in the face.. Or how excited they are to stay home all day everyday with their kids.. and I'm thinking "I gotta get out of this house pretty quick or my head my fall off".. Or When a kid is having a full on temper tantrum, and I'm thinking.. man, I would beat their ... ... .... And the patient mom has a relaxes look on her face, not even concerned about it.. It baffles me. Partly because it seems unrealistic to me, and partly because I ENVY that.. Like I wish I was that patient, and showed that much grace all the time!! But I've realized neither one of those things is bad or good.. Its just different. Its a different way to go about life.. Not everyone does things the same way, and there is beauty, and freedom in that.
There is a lot of Mom-shaming in the world today.. People touting one way of doing things as 'better' and 'healthier' for your kid.. "Don't give them medicine! Vaccines are bad! Make sure you Vaccinate! Don't feed Formula! Breastfeeding is embarrassing! Don't let them eat Pizza! Only Put Essential Oils on them! Don't let them listen to music! Enroll them in private School! Don't let them on IPADS! Don't let them watch TV! Get them in Gymnastics! Why aren't they playing Soccer! Public School teaches them Life!! Why don't you let them stay home, they are only little once!"
I mean its really never ending.. And the point is.. Everyone's going to do it differently.. and that is Perfectly Awesome. What works for one, doesn't always work for another.. And what makes one smile, can make another one frown. The best way we can be good to our kids is by being good to our God.. being good spouses.. and being good to ourselves. So whatever that is for YOU.. Be ok with it. I struggle with it everyday.. but I'm happy to have always danced to the beat of my own song.. Usually a song I made up.. and sang to my stuffed animals, or my Grandparents out front on the lawn..So there's that.
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