What all Mama's.. wish Daddies Knew..

Let me start off by saying, I am married to the most amazing man in the world. He was built for me By the Lord, and I'm so glad I waited for him. He's smart, He loves the Lord, He's kind, He's patient, He is handsome, he is a good provider, a good daddy, and he is the perfect calm to my storm.. This is a man who didn't get to take a break when we had a baby.. because we had TWO babies, which meant he always had to take care of a baby as well.. And He has consistently stepped up to the plate. However.. He has told me many times that he is not a mind-reader.. and I keep expecting him to magically turn into one somehow.. 

With that said, marriage is Work. Its hard to meet expectations, and its certainly hard to get anything done when you have kids! Its hard to make time for each other, your kids, your activities, your church family, your extended family, and yourself.. Most of the time our spouse is who gets whats leftover from a day of hard work.. taking care of the kids.. just doing the daily grind, and its sad, because you don't want to give the 'left-overs' to your spouse when they are so important to your life! But.. This is a hard stage of life, and sometimes that is what happens, so we are going to need to Lean on the Lord during these times.  Ladies don't forget to pray for your husbands.. Husbands don't forget to pray for your wives, and both of you.. Pray for your kids! Pray for Wisdom, discernment, and for sure Patience.. because we will all need it! 

I was diagnosed with Flu A last week, and as a result.. (as frequently happens when Mom is sick) the responsibility of the kiddos has to move to dad.. because mom is now a nest of germy, try-to-avoid-like-the-plague-so-your-kids-don't-get-it-Flu-Mess.. So with that said.. I thought I would try to capture some things that all Moms.. wish Dads Knew..  By the way, this is NOT intended as a Man-Bashing piece.. these are things that Jordan and I have talked about that he wishes I would just SAY.. as opposed to Wishing he would just DO them.. 

1. For the last X amount of years your kid has been alive.. they still need the same things to leave the house.. Every. Day...Clothes..Shoes.. Coat (if winter) brushed hair.. brushed Teeth.
2. We know you can't do Girl hair... Like Braids, Pony tails, etc.. But.. Do whatever you can, because that still helps us! Brush the girl hair.. slap the girl hair to the side of their head with a cute bow.. grab a sweet winter hat and throw that on.. All of that is helpful to us when trying to get the kids out the door. 
3. Please pickup after yourself.. when you make us pickup after YOU and the children it makes us think about ways to physically harm you which is not super for the marriage. It also sets a good example to your children, that everyone needs to pickup after themselves and Mom is not everyone's maid.. 
4. If you don't know how to do laundry.. or you are unsure about what to wash together.. Grab all the towels and the kids clothes, and wash them on cold. Pretty safe bet, and it helps us with laundry!
5. If you have girls.. You are one of the most influential men in her life, and she is looking to you on how to be treated by other men, so lift her up.. remind her how smart she is.. how creative she is.. How you love the way she is kind to everyone.. Not just that she is pretty.. Tell her all the reasons you are proud of her. Don't miss out on a chance to praise her because its going to matter to her the rest of her life. 
6. If you see me picking up stuff, or cleaning the house.. its in your best interest to look busy.. or go outside.. You watching ME clean while you are chillin in your PJ's, or on your Ipad.. again goes back to me wanting to cuss you under my breath.. 
7. If I've asked you to do something 7 times.. Like.. take out the trash.. Spray the yard.. etc.. and on the 7th day you do it.. please do not ask me to High-five you. There's a good chance by the 7th day I've already done it. If you don't have time, I completely understand that, but it goes a long way if you will say "Hey babe, I can't do that today, but I'll happily tackle it on X day".. but that means you really do have to do it by X day.. 
8. 90% of the time the moms have to get up and get the kids ready.. take them to school.. pick them back up.. pack lunches etc.. So if you want major brownie points.. Grab your kiddos on a Saturday or Sunday morning and take them to breakfast.. then to the park. .then another place that lets you be away for another hour so your wife can just sleep past 6am.. 
9. Bigger Bonus--Take them out for an afternoon and tell your wife to go to a coffee shop and enjoy a good book.. or have her plan a night out with her friends to go grab dinner and tell her friends how freakin awesome you are for watching the kids right now! 
10. Never miss a chance to brag on your wife. There's a good portion of the time that we do NOT feel pretty.. We do not feel romantic.. and we don't feel like we are doing a great job at life.. Tell her she is.. Your words to her let her know you still think she's pretty and she's killing it as a mom. 
11. If we go through the effort of cooking you a delightful meal (even if we threw it together, but still made the effort).. PLEASE help us clean the kitchen. Don't make us tell you to do it, if you see us doing it.. just come on over, and jump on in.. PLEASE. 
12. I'm a working mom.. Which means I work all day just like you do, and when I get home, I'd also like to sit in my chair and do nothing.. but I can't.. there are still a million things that have to be done to get supper ready, baths taken, bed clothes on, kiddos tucked in.. so anytime you can help me with those things, Is SUPER appreciated. 
13. If I'm sick, or can't pick up the kids.. cook supper.. give baths, etc.. and you Do it for ONE day.. Please don't expect accolades from me. Remember I do these things each day, and while I really do appreciate you subbing in for me, as opposed to telling me how awesome you are for doing it, how about saying "Man.. after doing what you do all day.. I realized, it sucks! High five mama! You are killing it" 
14. If I'm tired at the end of the day.. from doing all the things.. Don't expect me to jump you at night...unless you've also done some of the things that would help me have enough energy for jumping you.. See This Book...  From Dr Kevin Leman.. 
15. Our Marriage is the most important thing to our family. So its up to us to treat it as such. Remind me that  we need a date night, or some time to ourselves or a little extra grace when we get home.. Hug me and kiss me in front of our kids. We are setting the example of what marriage commitment looks like, so lets give it our best! 

And with that said.. Ladies, you also need to thank your man.. and respect your Man. I recommend something like this taped to his windshield before he leaves for the day..

"I know I probably don't thank you enough for being a good provider, and for taking care of us, but I want you to know I appreciate you. I am very aware that sometimes I'm hard to deal with, and I thank you for being able to love me on days that I'm unlovable. There's not a day that I wouldn't choose you all over again, and there's not a day that I am not glad I'm going through this mess called Life with you! 

Together.. With the help of the Lord, WE can do this!!!

Working Moms

Man. Sometimes being a working mom is hard. Especially a working mom with several jobs. Now Granted.. I did part of that to myself, but its still hard. I've run out of hours in the day.. some days I have great success filling all of the hours with meaningful, magical time.. Some days I don't. Some days I feel like I'm winning at being a Wife, Mom, and Employee.. Some days I'm not.

This week is Vacation Bible School, and Vacation bible School at Crossings Is LEGIT. I mean they have full size bounce houses INSIDE the church.. Amazing singers that teach them fun songs.. ITs LEGIT. I waited till the girls were old enough to go with excitement because each year we'd watch the videos and think "Oh man, that is so amazing" so they got to go for the first time last year, and I wanted them to get to go this year.. but this creates a few issues for the working mom.. For one, I go into work at 7am.. Bible School starts at 9, so I either have to wait till 9, then take them.. Or Go to work for 2 hours, send them to their school.. then go back and pick them up and take them to VBS.. Then they get out at 12.. So then I have to leave work..get them lunch.. and pick them up, then take them back to school.. and take myself back to work.. Its hard, but its worth it, because they love going, so we'll make it work.. just like we do everything else.. but being a working mom is hard.

However.. I know being a stay at home mom is hard too..and that is a job I'm just not able to do. I admire those that do it, and I'm in awe of their patience and tolerance! I've always just known that I wanted to be a working mom. Would I love to have a job that allowed me to do both? Sure.. Or only work a few days a week? FOR SURE.. Have endless amounts of money? Um, yes please.. But that is not God's plan for me.. and thats ok. My plan is not anyone else's plan. My plan is for me.

I want my girls to know why I work hard.. What I'm passionate about. What I'm good at.. Why I try to do better.. Why I went back on the radio to do something I love even though it requires more of me! I used to feel bad because I was not the kind of mom that said things like "I never lived until I had children" "My children are my World".. Yeah.. I've lived.. My college experience alone was legit.. lol And don't even get me started on some of the amazing times I've had on the radio!

I've had a pretty incredible life. My kids are incredible, but I'm a child of God, I'm a wife, I'm a daughter, and I'm a mother.. My kids are super important to me, but they do not define me, and I do not make them the Center of My universe. I want them to understand that we answer to someone bigger.. I want them to understand we all have to do crap we don't want to do.. we have to get along with people that aren't worth getting along with.. That I love their daddy and its important that we have time together by ourselves.. That We have to fall down and get back up.. That sometimes the world is Mean and Unfair.. We have to be disciples.. we have to be warriors.. we have to be supporters.. We have to be sympathetic, understanding, caring, and Kind..Even to people who don't deserve that..  And If I make them the center of the universe, do everything for them, Shelter them from everything scary, and move all obstacles out of their way, they are not going to learn that. Those are hard lessons to learn.. but I'm going to help them, and the Lord is going to help me through it all. But.......Its still hard.

IN a society of Busy.. I realize.. I'm busy.. I'm working two jobs, and I don't get to do a lot of things I need/Want to do.. For example, right now I'm neglecting my work as a Hospice Volunteer with my therapy dogs.. I just don't have the time to get to the nursing homes right now.. but I want to. I'm supposed to be taking Payslee & Sawyer on monthly visits to the Assisted Living Center.. but I feel like I run out of time. I'm leading a small group at church, but I am not able to research the lessons for us, because I run out of time! These are GREAT things to do! And I want to do them! But dang.. I just don't have the time right now, and....... I'm TIRED!!! lol.. Tired as a Mother is a real thing..

 I've had to really look at my life lately and decide What my Big Priorities are.. So as a result I've had to cut down on going to a lot of social events at church.. therapy visits.. hospice visits.. even though they are all important to me.. I just can't get to them right now, and you know what? Thats ok. Because eventually I'll get back to them.. But its hard to say no to them..

So whatever phase of life you are in.. busy.. not busy.. working.. not working.. momming, not momming.. Realize.. that Your plan is for you. Not anyone else.. Don't let others make you feel bad because you are not doing 'the norm' or filling a status.. God has a plan for me, and for my girls, and I'm excited to watch it unfold. I can't believe they are Five! Seems crazy.. its like some days stood still, and some days flew by in the blink of an eye.. Being a parent is hard.. Being a wife is hard.. and sometimes following God's plan is hard.. But we have to remember that through trials comes Grace, and while those little eyes are watching us, we can show them what it means to walk to the beat of our OWN Drum.. the Drum God created just for us.. not anyone else.. And I'm probably going to screw it up some days.. Because I run out of patience.. and time.. But all I can do is start over the next day and try again.. because as we all know, I'm not quitter.. and I hate losing..except for Weight.. and I've lost 65  pounds.. so Boom.. there's that.