On Monday we (MJ and I) went to a funeral.. those are never fun.. The girls had a playdate with a sweet little girl that ended up having Hand/foot/Mouth, so we have been super paranoid that they were going to get sick (so far so good, 6 days later, fingers crossed, and I swear its because I oiled them) and then we tried to go to a fun event at church (Volopulooza), didn't bring the stroller, and ended up chasing the girls across a soccer field.. #Parentfail. Drove the girls to Tulsa to visit MJ's Grandma and to go to the aquarium.. But by the time we had driven up there, visited, ate lunch, and they didn't take naps, they were losing their minds.. So..we didn't get to go to the aquarium. #parentfail. Ran out of Cross's "Juice" (pediasure), Diapers, and Wipes.. #parentfail. So as you can see.. I have had a week in which I just kinda feel like a big fat failure at life..
The girls have had allergies and its just not been easy for them.. Cross makes it much harder because she refuses to take medicine.. LL does too.. so I was thinking.. "Why don't I get those dissolve tabs and then it will be like candy?".. Yes, KC, great idea! So I did this..and it was a hit with Londyn. She loved hers.. so success.. Cross? NO. She spit it out. She knew immediately.. and even though it tasted like Grape Shasta.. she was having no part of it.. I tried to sneak it in gummies, cheese, meat.. Nope. She spit it out every time.. then started questioning the authenticity of the gummy.. Spit it out.. Leslie also tried to give it to her. She looked Leslie square in the face and said "NO" and threw it down.. Sometimes that Kid is too smart for her own good.. Thankfully she will still take the liquid form, so that has been helping with the coughing at night.
I have realized that a lot of things change when you become a parent.. and they should.. Your life is not your own anymore, and the days of doing what YOU want to do are over.. so if you are one of those people thinking you will have a baby and nothing will change.. Think again. It should change, because when you become a parent, you should be thinking of your Kids as the first priority anyway.. but that doesn't make it any easier for your former, selfish self to deal.. Right now Cross is still in the phase of clinging to me. I can't get more than 3 ft away from her or she starts yelling "mama! Mama!" and if I don't' go back (because I'm walking to the bathroom) she lays in the floor sobbing.. I know there will come days when I wish she would WANT me to be around her.. so even though sometimes those moments are trying, I try to just stop and sit with her, because I know the one thing she is really wanting is ME.. Well, and maybe a Popsicle..
With kids comes so many magical moments.. Moments that you would never trade, but there are also crap moments.. Moments in which you feel like you don't get it right.. that they will end up in therapy.. that you could have made a better choice.. that you shouldn't have said that.. that you got dealt a poor hand.. Its hard. There are weeks that you feel like you just don't measure up as a parent.. And there are days when you feel like you just need a break.. but then you feel guilty for feeling you like need a break! Guilt as a mom is huge. I have guilt for not using the words "So in love" with my newborns when they were born. I think the words that I used were like "Scared to death".. But everyone else will have babies and post these heart-felt pictures.. "We just had a baby..and we are so in love".. I was thinking "I just had 2 babies, How will I keep them alive?".. I have guilt that sometimes I just want to sleep till 7:00, or go to 3 movies in one day, Or sit at Barns & Noble by myself...
Its not that I don't enjoy being a mom.. I do.. but I think most people don't realize when you have kids, you are breaking up with your former life. All the things you formerly did, that basically revolved around what YOU want to do have to change. That can make you feel bad, and feel guilty, So its a wake-up call.. I read this.. and it was great.. So enjoy.. and feel less guilt.. and Celebrate your kids.. And realize that even when you screw it up, your kids are still going to love and forgive you.. much like Jesus does.
To The Mom Who Yelled at Her Kids Today (Thanks Brooke!)