Sunday, November 14, 2010

I'm getting emotional in Old Age

I have realized that as I am getting older, I am becoming less of a hard-ass, and more tender. How do you know this? Well because I never would have written a blog 5 years ago admitting that I was tender for one!

Growing up I was always the serious one..When I showed cattle my eyebrows were always down, always stern, and I had one thing in mind: WINNING. It was the same exact way in basketball. I have always been consumed with being first, being #1, being the best.. And as I've gone through this latest journey of being let go at KKNG, I realize that there's really no point in living your life that way. I did everything I could possibly do to make that station better..I went out of my way to do more than my fair share of work..I worked on things that no one else would do..I worked at events that no one else wanted to be with..I let work CONSUME me, and in the end it didn't really matter because I can't (and neither can you) change bad decisions.

I have been CONSUMED with radio for 13 years. I never had productive relationships, because the job always came first. I dropped everything when my bosses asked me to, and ran to the job. I put up with more crap than anyone should ever tolerate, because I was consumed with being the best..But what I've realized out of all of this, is that even when you ARE the best..Something around you is usually suffering..Your friendships..your relationships with your family..Your dogs..your, etc.. Something always has to give, and for me, it was always everything else BUT radio.

Now that I've had time to reflect on the past events I've realized how much "LOVE" and "JOY" I was missing. MJ coming into my life at just the right time..A church that has brought so much happiness into my life..a Family that I love to spend time with..And Dogs that make me smile every single time I look at them..And what am I missing? Nothing..The reason I loved radio is because it was all about my life has shifted and God has tapped me on the shoulder and said, "How bout making it all about me, and my plan for a change?" and as I've accepted this challenge, I've grown more tender.

I can't watch anyone sing in the Crossings Church choir without tears welling up in my eyes. I am a person who is touched by music. All kinds..all tempos. I LOVE Music..I'm PROUD of music. I also love watching OTHER people LOVE music..When I look around my church and the choir is singing so beautifully that the congregation simply can't sit still..or they must stand up to give a standing ovation..that touches ME. When someone sings a song that truly moves them to emotion..that moves ME. When one of my favorite artists wins an award..I start crying for them, because I'm proud, and I know how hard they've worked..When I read a story about a sweet dog getting adopted, I cry, because of how awesome the person is for adopting the dog, and for how awesome that dog is going to make that person feel. When life is not focused all on me, I have a chance to look around and see what God is doing..And its really cool stuff. I can't even Watch Oprah pay off someone's house without crying because I'm thinking that Oprah is awesome for not just being a rich old bag..She shares..she loves..she gives back.. THAT is awesome.

So this week I challenge you to look for things that unite you with people..not separate you.. And I ask that you reach out to someone that you normally wouldn't because its the right thing to do..And don't just listen to music..HEAR it..Hear the words..Music is something that has always been so powerful to led me to an amazing career for 13 led me to an Easter Sunday at Crossings..and now its leading me into a brand new direction..I'll always love music because it brings me closer to so many things I love..So if you see me in church bawling on Sunday, Know that its because I'm moved, and not because I'm sad.. I'm moved because I'm blessed with so many amazing things, and excited to know what life can be like when I don't make it all about me..but about other people who need a blessing too.

1 comment:

  1. I do not want to alarm you, but it gets even worse the older you get.